Saturday, September 6, 2008

Our Family is Obsessed with Pooping

We can all agree that a big BM is one life's greatest pleasures, but the Fox Family takes it to a new level. Back in the late '90's some healer told my mom that you are constipated unless you poop three times a day. Somehow this information worked its way into each of our individual psyche's and our mission became to poop as much as possible. If a day goes by without a poop, the Fox sisters are not happy one little bit. This is the routine: 
"I didn't poop today. I am cons cons (meaning constipated)." 
"Well, take something!"
"But what if my colon explodes tomorrow?!?!"
"ANYTHING is better than being cons cons."
At this point, the poopless Fox girl has a very serious decision to make. Which poop pill to choose from?!?
Super Cleanse is always a trusty option. Taking 2 at night means a guaranteed poop the next day. Sometimes, if you are really cons cons, you might need to take a another 2-3 the next night too. Then you will undoubtedly have a poop the next day. No cramps, just a nice poop! A great choice for any desperate pooper. Definitely my go-to. 

Herbplus is a favorite of Manya's. Herbplus is amazing, but it's a little harder to get than Super Cleanse. The only way I know how to get my hands on some Herbplus is by calling Dr. Jangaard on Whidby Island. He is a crazy healer who energy tests you with a metal rod. My dad thinks he's a quack. Quack he may be, but he's got the goods for sure! He will send you some by mail in a jiffy. If you need his number- I got the hook up! Herbplus is a miracle worker. 

My mom takes 1 Cleanse More every night. I have been bogarting some of it these days, since the Super Cleanse has been low, and I haven't been able to order any Herbplus. Cleanse More is pretty good. An acceptable 3rd choice. You are not guaranteed a great poop- but chances are you will squeeze something out! And you know what? That's usually good enough for me!

Smooth Move is the Mt. St. Helen's of all laxative supplements. This is the Mike Tyson of poop support! If you want to be keel over with diarrhea cramps, clenching your butt cheeks as you run to the bathroom with your hand over your asshole then Smooth Move is for you! In a pinch Smooth Move does the job, and then some! Sometimes the explosion happens right after that first sip of coffee in the morning- sometimes right when you drag your sorry ass out of bed. Who knows! It's mysterious, it's dangerous, and you might be shoving your small intestines back into butt after Smooth Move has had it's way with you. And if that's what you are into, then Smooth Move never fails!


Hanni said...

one mans crack is another mans super cleanse

Devra said...

on my first whole foods trip of the new school year I bought fiber and cleanse more.