Sunday, July 27, 2008

This Cheese Will Change Your Life

If you don't like this cheese, I'm not sure we could be friends. This might just be my favorite cheese in the whole wide world. When perfectly ripe, this cheese is bright orange, gooey, sticky, creamy and stinky as all hell! Epoisses!! Go on, dunk that chunk of baguette right into the wooden box. Force the cheese up against the sides of the container, and scoop out the creamy, unctuous center and let the remains drip down back into the pot! Into your mouth it goes! Silky, pungent, mouth-coating, and creamy. The bread cuts the saltiness, and a sip of white wine tempers the ballsy aroma of the cheese. Sit down, and get in your place, you have been a very bad cheese, Epoisses! Pronounced AY-PWAHHS. Any cheese shop or gourmet market should carry this classic washed-rind wonder! Let me tell you, if your local gourmet grocer doesn't carry Epoisses, I give you permission to lose you frikkin shit! When you do find the Epoisses pick up the small, circular, wooden box and give it a shake. If you can hear the cheese knocking up against the side of the box, put it back down. It is not ready to eat yet! When you pick up a box of Epoisses, shake it, and hear nothing, then you know it is at peak ripeness and has spread out its gooey little wings, up against the sides of the box, and has no shake space. Epoisses is so popular and so stinky that in Paris is it reportedly illegal to carry a box of it on public transportation. Yes, Epoisses is stinky, but do not let it's nose-hair-curling odor turn you away. Take a bite, for as we say in the cheese world, the bark is always worse than the bite. Oh, and the bite.... the bite! Stinky, gooey, wonder! 

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